I think I have emotions again

I have PCOS and high testosterone. Along with this wonderful (ya, right) condition, I get daily acne, hot flashes, and irritability. I’m even balding. Fantastic.

Solitude

I use an app to track my periods (Sorry, boys.) because they’ve been inconsistent over the past few years. My app is pretty cool because it allows me to track my moods and my symptoms. For the record, I have PCOS and high testosterone. Along with this wonderful (ya, right) condition, I get daily acne, hot flashes, and irritability. (Thus the symptom tracker) I’m even balding. Fantastic. My go-to’s these days are 10% benzoyl peroxide gel, a fan at my office desk, and a mixture of zinc and biotin that my doctor says will help the balding after six months. To be honest, the more I type, the more I want to cry. It’s so very miserable but it’s also embarrassing. Balding? I’m a lady!

I also have a mild case of hypochondria, which I think I’m controlling quite well thank you very much.

Last week as I was tracking my moods, I noticed a shift from “irritable”, “fatigued”, “I want to blow someone up” to “crying”, “clear headed”, “happy”. What?! Is this ME? 

For three or four days I was crying quite a bit at night but during the day (when it mattered most/aka, when I earn my paycheck) I was clear headed and happy. Once again I noticed how gorgeous the mountains in the horizon were and I was able to focus on getting stuff done at work. It was nice for a change. It was quite a change though. I can’t speak as an expert on PCOS but I am discovering the difficulties of living with this condition. It’s not at all fun. Having high levels of testosterone messes with your emotions and in my case, I felt like I turned into the Hulk. For me to now cry over seeing a kitten or have a melt down over seeing wedding pictures…it feels normal (again). That’s my normal. It just feels strange after such a long departure.

Welcome back, tears. You have actually been missed.