I’m not one to beat around the bush, so here goes for my confessions of the
day year: I think I’m ready to start dating women. I’ve never actually been in a relationship with one and I know I wrote a lot about questioning whether I was lesbian or bisexual or just confused (ha!), but I never did much about it. It just sat there like this great big canyon left unexplored and I was a bit terrified to go there. I still am. Most of the people I know are homophobic and would probably disapprove, or even worse, my girl friends would think I liked them. I don’t. My family definitely wouldn’t approve and they’d be all weird about it. I don’t even not want to date men. I’ll date men if I find one I like. The problem with labels is that people get all weird about them. I am still the awesome person I’ve always been and that wouldn’t change at all if I changed who I dated. But people can’t see past that and I’m sensitive. Not to mention, I’m not about to join a flag waving rainbow crew dancing down the street. I just want to see if I’d be happier and more understood.
But let me break it down for you. Every few years one (maybe two) women come along that leave me thinking about them. A lot. These women are intellectual, sometimes feminine, artsy, beautiful and just downright sexy. Maybe a year ago there was another one added to the list (this list has four, maybe five women on it). She was in a serious relationship and she was a tomboy (not entirely, but for sake of needing something cute to call her, it’s stuck). I’ve always been the kind of person who didn’t understand the attraction to the tomboy lesbians, but color me wrong. She has a motorcycle and tattoos and drinks beer. I was in
love lust. But the funny part is, even with these feelings, I wouldn’t let myself go there because of the fear of what people would think. And let’s be honest: lesbians move fast. So if there’s any interest, you’re basically married in 24 hours. That’s just not something I’m used to. And on top of all of that, there’s the risk of not knowing the person too well. So you hope they’re the kind that wouldn’t cheat on you and would treat you well, but you just never know.
The Tomboy ended up breaking it off with the serious relationship and was single for a bit. Then she started dating someone and not long after, she was engaged. The funny thing is, I’m so self-absorbed I didn’t notice she wasn’t talking to me until recently and I missed talking to her. And then I had this moment where I was like, “I wish I was engaged to her.” Which is weird…when you self-identify as straight and always have. So I gave it some thought and realized what was going on really was happening, so I should go with it. Except when someone’s engaged, you don’t really “go” with it anywhere because that would be rude. Although I actually did think twice about saying something and then my friends convinced me that I should wait it out.
The thing about dating men is that it’s so last year. Just kidding. The thing about dating men is that they seem to misinterpret lady things as negatives: if you’re emotional, you’re needy; if you’re outspoken, you’re a bitch; if you are direct, you come on too strong. I’ve had straight men tell me that dating a woman wouldn’t solve that and that women they know who date women fight nonstop, but that was literally based on one relationship. And so what if they fight? At least they can communicate with each other. I’ll tell you one thing: I have zero idea what it would be like to date a woman but I’ll let you know if it ever happens so you can try it out too.
It’s my blog. I do what I want.