A bit like death

My title is a play on that movie title: A lot like love. Isn’t it cute?

I can’t even begin to explain how badly I don’t want to be that person. That old person who complains about every ache and pain and bad day. Oh, but I am. At the moment, my body hurts so badly I just want to take a …..I don’t know much about pills, so I guess I’ll let you guys guess.

As I wrote about here, I was recently diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and I very much feel like shit. All the time. I’m not entirely sure that it’s all PCOS related. Who knows? You know how that stuff goes. I’m actually beginning to think it’s stress related because apparently (after a recent trip to the dentist) I discovered I grind my teeth at night. Some of my teeth have been affected, too, which is awesome. But mostly, my face and neck hurt when I wake up.

What is PCOS related, I assume, is the emotions I’m having today. I’m crying a lot over just about everything. I cried over accidently destroying this Drupal website I was building. I was so sad because it has taken me so long to master different parts of Drupal and I have broken the site at least twice now. If you have a website, you can’t exactly break it all the time or your readers will email you like crazy about it. Come to think about it, when I started this site, I broke it pretty often. Hmm. I remember a few good friends kept emailing me, “Hey, did someone shut down your site?” they would ask since I was writing explosive rants about churches I had been a part of. “Nope, just broke my website.” I would answer.

After the random cry, I did some things and then some more things and then started looking at an internet friends photographs. She’s a wedding photographer and has some great photos. Oh, she’s awesome at architecture photos. And she’s also cool because she is an ex-JW (Jehovah’s Witness), which means she’s been through what we all have.

And THEN, I started crying AGAIN. Come on. I cried over the engagement photos–everyone is getting engaged and married and having their children. And I’m not. Well, it’s not as bad as all that, but I’m not.

Anyway, here’s a fluffy monkey brought to you by Mr. Morck.




Completely off topic, do you have any older relatives? I became really close to my Grandpa the past few years (long story) and he’s getting older. He lives so far away, and I feel so sad I can’t visit him more often. What do you do in this situation? (Besides go visit him, I guess, which is the most logical answer.)