Alternate Endings to Marriage

Yesterday I spent the afternoon with my lovely soul sister, Abby. We did the LA thing–Los Feliz, Weho and the Grove. We went to Palermo’s for pizzarosa and wine and wandered next door to Skylight Books. Of course we ended up in the Gender Studies/Erotica section, because I’m convinced all surviving cult members are interested in these subjects. Or, maybe just us.

We found a really helpful salesperson who actually recommended two books to us. One is Cunt: A Declaration of Independence by Inga Muscio. The second book was The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women by Jessica Valenti. I bought both of them and put a few more of her recommendations on my list of books to buy. She said we both needed to read The Ethical Slut, and I was really intrigued by the book. It seemed like a guide to being honest, respectful and healthy while still being able to get the pleasure you want out of life.

Do you see a correlation between all these titles? Sex and the young woman.

Sexual women are often labeled whore, tramp, slut by men and other women. But as Abby and I had dinner later, we talked about how our culture really pushes people into marriage, deeming it important, but marriage is just an exchange of property. Women have always been considered the property. Sexual women who don’t need to be married to have healthy, fulfilling relationships aren’t really accepted in our culture. And if we do carry out these relationships as satisfied people, we still find ourselves getting caught up in societies pressure to get married or to be the norm.

Lately, I’ve been going through this “I want to get married” stage. I feel like it’s the one last Christian trait that’s holding on for dear life. Marriage is definitely pushed by the Christian church. Alternative lifestyles or stories are discouraged and banished from the church. You can’t be say bi-sexual or transgendered without being banished from the church. Or in an open relationship. Or an ethical slut.

I’ve left the church and Christianity, though, and I’m just waiting for my mind to catch up. I’m ready to embrace some alternate paths for happiness besides marriage and babies. I’m embracing that now, in a way, but my mind hasn’t quite made the leap. There’s still the big “What will people think?” question that always stops me temporarily. It’s a struggle for me to dismiss that, but I eventually do because I’ve found it’s more important to be myself and be happy than it is to impress people I don’t give a shit about.

2 thoughts on “Alternate Endings to Marriage”

  1. Yay! I love how intellectual you make me sound! 

    On a similar vain, I think there’s a link youth and  the marriage ‘push’, vs being older, more comfortable with yourself and being ok with not giving a shit about people to impress.

  2. When I was younger and still a church-goer, I did want to get married (still do, really… if I ever find the right person lol), because the only options the church offered were a) marriage, b) celibacy. There were, of course, no other options, if you really wanted to be a true Christian! But lately I’ve been asking myself the question, is marriage really suitable for everybody? Almost everyone wants to have sex, but not everyone wants traditional marriage & family life (and not everyone is fit for it either). So, I’ve been thinking… perhaps it’s time to just forget those old “marriage or celibacy” ideas and explore other options. Like, have a boyfriend and live separately (I know people who do),  or simply have a sex-buddy! I know that sounds horribly to a Christian (I used to shudder from the idea alone), but still… what is really wrong with that, if both people are happy (and of course are careful & protect themselves). This is one of the problems of Christianity… it tends to put everyone in the same box, while the fact is that we’re all different. 😉

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