Confession-I had a bad day

I was so moody today that I freaked out and bought a pregnancy test. Yeah, it wasn’t a pregnancy that made me feel moody. That was negative and honestly there’s really no chance I am pregnant. But I couldn’t think of any other reason I would feel this terrible. There had to be a real reason, right?

So it’s no stranger to any of you that I have anxiety and sometimes anxiety is characterized by an over-thinking quality. So when the pregnancy test was negative, which I was sure it would’ve been, I started worrying the test was wrong.

Oh shit, I thought. What am I going to do with a baby? Or will I have an abortion? What if I don’t want to? But I don’t want to wake up and change diapers.

So there’s the created dilemma. I’m worried about a problem I don’t have.

And I will totally laugh about this tomorrow. In fact, if I didn’t sound so crazy I’d be laughing now.

 

I spent the day crying and moody, and couldn’t figure out what was wrong. THEN, it dawned on me. Pills! Yes! That’s what the problem was. I take this medicine and if I skip it it messes with my moods. Woo-hoo! For sure not pregnant. Now I realize that my moods are sort of a temporary side effect and life is good again.

Sometimes I get to the point that I feel like I share way too much information on the Internet. This is one of those days. But you have to realize, I’m a confessional type of person. I’m a real talker. I like jabbering, mostly about myself. Since I was a child, I did that. Ask my mom.

Speaking of moms and babies and pregnancies, I’m almost 31 years old. I’m sort of excited to eventually do the motherhood thing, for real. Like the diaper bag and go shopping for a stroller kind of motherhood. Then I’ll have a real Mommy Blog. 🙂 I might even stop the profanity and sex talk on the blog. Or would that be bad?

No matter how excited I am to actually do the motherhood thing, I’m terrified of it. What if I’m terrible at it? What if I don’t choose the right partner? What if my babies are sick or handicap when they’re born? What if I don’t make enough money to support my kids?

These are normal questions, right?

 

1 thought on “Confession-I had a bad day”

  1. I actually did that last week as well. For some reason, I have been super scared that my birth control (nuva ring) isn’t working properly and because I had been moody and not feeling well (nauseous and similar), I went and bought one. Of course it was negative (thankfully) and my “symptoms” were best described as me being sick for 2 weeks and the other stress going on in my life at the moment. 

    I, too, am terrified about motherhood. I am uncertain if I even want a child. My weariness comes from my field though. I work with kids— all of whom have mental health issues— and I am not sure I want to even attempt having child if there is a possibility that they could have something similar. Financial concerns are huge as well. 
    I think they are completely normal questions! 

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