Do Age Differences Matter?

I met Chris about two years ago in college. I was actually dating someone else at the time, and Chris became one of my good friends following my breakup.

I started developing feelings for Chris and we started dating in June. In about a month, we’ll have been dating a year. We never fight, rarely argue and I couldn’t be dating someone more perfect for me.

Some of you who know me well or follow me on Facebook or Twitter know that yesterday was a rough day. Chris and I almost broke up.

We didn’t fight and we weren’t arguing. Actually, neither of us wanted to break up. We just felt like we have a really complicated future (if any) together.

I’m 30. I want to buy a house, get a dog and another cat and finish up my book. After it’s published (*if it gets published*), I want to start a family. Yes, I have a very specific timeline but it’s flexible. I do have to consider this though: my doctor says I should have kids before 38 years old. She says that having them younger is actually better if we’re considering the health of women’s eggs. I’m not ready to have a kid yet. In fact, some days I don’t want to really have a child. I like to sleep. I can’t really afford one yet. I don’t want to be a chauffeur or a housekeeper and I like my alone time.

Most of all, I’ll have to put a stop to all my weekend trips to Europe.

Just kidding. I don’t have those.

Chris is 23. He’s in a band about dinosaurs called Dinophilia and he’s an excellent writer and editor. He loves good wine and good beer. We have a lot in common and we get along great.

But, we’re significantly far apart in age. No matter how much “age doesn’t matter” it really does, especially in our relationship. We’re not Demi and Ashton. For one, Demi already had kids when she was with Ashton. Maybe that would help Chris and I.  Maybe I should run off and get knocked up.

So, what do you think? Do you think age differences really matter? Do you think two people can work through their age differences and find a middle ground, a compromise without giving up who they are and what’s best for them?

I’d love to hear your point of view and advice.

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2 thoughts on “Do Age Differences Matter?”

  1. It really depends. When I first met Tommy, he was 18 and I was 21. I would have never thought of dating him let alone marry him back then because he was just out of high school and kind of immature. But, 3 years later he was a totally different person. I really think that every situation is different. Being a young man, does he have the same aspirations as you? Does he want to settle down or does he want to live a more spontaneous lifestyle? If you want kids a little, you will probably regret not having them later. Does he want kids? Does he feel like he doesn’t want to rush into things where you feel like your biological clock is ticking louder and faster? Its a tough decision when you really care about someone but if the ratio of commonalities isn’t in sync, then the two of you may never be happy. One of you will always resent the other, even a little, because you feel like you gave up something important to keep the relationship. Its always important to communicate these things because a) if you don’t, you’ll never know and b) communication keeps relationships lasting and strong. Marriage is a crap-shoot anyway, but the important questions to ask are: Do you see yourself with me in 5-10-20 plus years? Do you want children? With me? Can we live civilly together? Will you always pick up your underwear off the floor and put the toilet seat down? Just kidding, they never do that. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’m nosy and I need more information. I think any relationship can work as long as there are key circumstances in place. When you are in your 40’s and 50’s, a 7 or 8 year difference isn’t going to matter.

    1. Yeah, age differences certainly don’t matter when you’re 50 or afterward, but when you’re 20 and 30, they sure do!

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