This is one of the number one Google searches that brings people to my site. I assume if you’re looking for this answer, you’ve got a guy on your mind that you want to pursue, but a pastor or spiritual leader who says it’s a no-go. Right?
To get deeper into this subject would require my writing a novel, or a book on dating but the long and short of it is, YES, women can pursue men. And NO, that doesn’t make you a whore, a Jezebel, an outlaw, a Smurf or any other thing your pastor might suggest.
I don’t want to be demeaning or rude, but here’s the “real talk”: If you’re wondering what your pastor will say about your pursuit of a guy, you’re in a sexist church. To go even further, if your pastor is inquiring about your dating life regularly and giving you advice, or suggestions that sound more like commands, you’re going to need to look for a new pastor or spiritual leader.
Just. Walk. Away.
If you’re pastor is that involved, you’re probably already in or heading toward an abusive relationship and your pastor is going to control much of your life and life choices. And no, he’s not qualified to do so. God isn’t saying he should. Your pastor (if he says that) is full of sh*t.
What you don’t know (or maybe you do, which is why you Googled your question) is that we live in a modern society where it’s perfectly okay to ask a guy out.
How can you pursue a guy? Here’s a few easy steps:
1. Start with the basics. Smile, flirt, touch his arm. It’s okay. You’re not a whore. You’re….FLIRTING. You’re showing him you’re interested and that’s okay to do. People aren’t mind readers. How else will he know you like him if you don’t show him a little hint of your interest?
2. Make the first move. Maybe you think he’s cute so you want to friend him on Facebook. Do it! Guys like confident girls. If he accepts, flirt a little bit. Message him or comment on a picture. Do you have his number? Text him or call him.
3. Make the second move. In order to get to know someone, you have to spend time with them, whether it’s through an email or face-to-face. Get to know him by talking to him and learning what he’s interested in. Remember, your interests are just as valid, so share what you like. If you’re not interested in exactly the same things, that’s okay. People can bond over different interests if they’re attracted to each other enough. And who knows? Maybe it’s going to be a match. Maybe not.
4. Move on, if necessary. Maybe there’s no match, and no chemistry. Oh well. The first (or fifteenth) guy you date doesn’t have to be your husband. There isn’t anything wrong with you if you can’t find a baby daddy on the second date. Trust me, it’s nothing to rush into. Get to know yourself before you rush into commitment and take a breather from the courtship route. It’s not the best way to do things, regardless of what your pastor teaches.