The Word “Offended”

I’ve been told I’m “hurt and offended” so many times since I started this blog.

I can’t even explain to you how “over” those words I am.

First of all, there’s nothing wrong with being hurt. Remember the first time your son or daughter came home from school and said to you, “Bobby pushed me down on the playground,” or “Susie made fun of the ribbon you made me?” You were offended, right? And your little daughter or son was hurt after falling on the playground. Maybe even bleeding.

Spiritual abuse causes wounds. They might be bruises, cuts, or deep oozing gashes. But, they’re still wounds. And wounds hurt.

Second of all, there’s this thing–this sickness—that’s only in the Christian community that takes a line like, “You’re hurt and offended. You need to get over it and move on. Stop dwelling on the past,” and makes it a curse; a condescending line to tell you they’re sick and tired of listening to you (or in fact, that they dismissed you after just a few seconds of listening), and that you’re a bad person.

In reality, the bad person isn’t YOU.

If you’re hurt, most likely, someone caused you deep pain, lied to you, and betrayed your trust. The human-to-human bond is broken, bruised or injured.

If you’re offended, it’s most likely that someone was out of line in the way they treated you. Perhaps they belittled you, bullied you, etc.

In most cases, the pastor or someone in direct authority has used their power to throw their weight around, figuratively slapping around a few people. They don’t give a damn who they hurt or how badly they hurt them. They won’t care unless that person starts detracting from their power and money (perhaps by detracting their followers).

I was sixteen years old when I was taught to look down upon those who were offended in church. My pastor taught me that. I believe he was wrong.

I also think grief comes and goes in waves. It may wreck your life for years, or altogether. Pain is sometimes so unbearable for people that they’re not able to move on from it. For someone in power to purposefully cause you pain and maliciously belittle you is wrong.



Have you ever been dismissed by someone by being called “offended?”

Do you think being hurt and offended can be constructive for someone?

2 thoughts on “The Word “Offended””

  1. Not being one who even cares to Bible thump, but I love this verse;

    2 Co 11:29 (NKJV)
    Who is weak, and I am not weak? Who is made to stumble, and I do not burn with indignation?

    IMO for some reason that I have a hard time coming to terms with some of Christianity is just as you say Lisa! But in terms of Paul’s reported manner it seems exactly the opposite of the condescending and dismissive manner you’ve described so aptly.

    If I were to put Paul’s sentiment into my own words it would go something like,”I love you guys, really. If somebody hurts you don’t I get royally perturbed and let them have it.”

    I guess when somebody loves you like that you can appreciate it, especially when you know they really care and are not simply wanting to play you or make you their beeotch. But when pastors don’t even care to give the illusion of going this route and in fact are actually condescending, dismissive, and self-serving that has to be some major league kind of betrayal IMO.

  2. I have been offended at the lack of concern by leadership that could careless about your feelings and offenses and are more concerned with the fact that you have offended them by being offended at their offensive leadership skills. This is truly a trend among leadership across the denominations, truly we have a society full of self absorbed, narcissistic personalities in charge of our spiritual well being. Do we come out WELL BEING? HELL NO, well then everyone wants to try to figure out what the problem is and why the decline in our spiritual morality and why more Christians suffer from depression than anytime in History!! Could IT BE SATAN?? Well I think we like to blame it on Satan most of the time, it’s either GOD told me to, or SATAN told me. We as Christians are always the victim to something, never having to take responsibilities for our OWN actions, of that FREE WILL mind that GOD gave us! I have seen alot of destruction in the Church World, I have seen people’s lives fall apart because they are trying to live up to expectations placed upon them. I have seen wonderful people be crushed like grains of wheat into fine powder. I have watched loved ones go astray and hurt themselves in extreme ways. I have been raised in church my whole life, but I have survived . The reason, because I have ALWAYS looked to Christ and him alone, God is my FATHER and I know him, so when people speak of his expectations I know what he would ask of me. I see leadership in churches as man not GOD and never have. I respect the leadership as long as the leadership respects that with which God the Father has entrusted. When they however start killing the sheep or allowing them to die by the hands of wolves that have come in sheeps clothing, well then that is a different story!! Just know that God is a BIG enough God to deal with our hurt and pain no matter how big it seems. Mankind will always be disappointing!!! THAT is why we needed a SAVIOR!!!!!

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