Destroyed by Truth

If you’re not following the Facebook page Humans of New York, I highly recommend it for little moments of brilliance like this:


The above is sort of my philosophy on the idea of God, the Church and Master’s Commission. If the truth destroys the image you have in your head of how perfect those three are, then good. The truth has done it’s job. If you aren’t listening to the truth, try opening your mind and letting the truth in. It’s not so scary.

You can find more like this on the HONY Facebook page.



I spent five minutes before work in my car meditating today. Nothing to it, although for years I’d been thinking you had to do certain things to get it right (and you probably do), but for now this works.

I was at the doctor’s office the other day and some actress (of course, it’s LA…we are the hub for all-things “zen”. I kid.) said she pulls over in her car for 10 minutes and just tunes things out. I think she used the Twitter app all the kids are using to meditate now, but that’s irrelevant.

After years of praying an hour in the morning, before meals and essentially allowing my mind to be a wind turbine full of prayers, guilt-ridden assessements of myself and my performance and how those didn’t measure up to “God”, I was of course completely opposed to anything resembling prayer or “quiet time” as we used to call it. However, meditation has many benefits and I’ve found that I’ve been able to work through some of my issues surrounding the similarities.

Either way, it’s time to reinvent the “quiet time” portion of my life. The zen. The peace. The sitting outside by the beach WITHOUT smoking a bowl, perhaps.

I have some FUCKING ANXIETY, ya’ll. Which has actually gone away rather rapidly in the past month, but I do deal with it and many people suggest meditation as a therapy for anxiety, so home cures it is!

Sexism in the Atheist boys’ club

Anyone who doesn’t know that atheism is a dick-only club is about to find out that it nearly exclusively caters to penis. Women are talking about it and women I’ve been talking to have been wondering why they aren’t included in the atheist dialogue or why there aren’t leaders in the atheist community that look like them. The blunt answer-you’ve got the 4 Horsemen (4 Horsemen is a name for the supposed atheist leaders: Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris, the late Chris Hitchens and Daniel Dennett) and some of them are rumored to be sexist.

Since when is the atheist community a) so fucking fundamentalist and b) such a little dick club? They took the bros before hoes thing way too seriously.

I am only recently an “out” atheist, so I’m incredibly new to this community. But immediately it sounded a little tired–science is the only argument against why there’s no God? Yawn. Science is extremely important and epidemiology is one of the most fascinating subjects I’ve ever stumbled upon. But, there seemed to be a great deal lacking in the atheist/anti-theist discussions. Then, I figured out why: men with limited expertise were running the show and almost exclusively men with a background in science, which seemed odd to me because I know a great deal of atheist women with better messages than just “evolution is cool”. On another note, there have been a lot of criticisms of the atheist community being too fundamentalist.

So, confused, I sat back and watched. Then, in May of this year, I made a friend in the Flagstaff (AZ) Freethinkers Group, Brian Wallace. He asked me to speak at his group upon publication of my book, which is about my life in a cult. Then, he proceeded to hit on me. This wasn’t totally weird…until it turned weird. It quickly became predatory and really disturbing. He said his girlfriend (Serah Blain?) wanted him to meet a woman and have sex with her. He didn’t even know if he wanted to (lies). They were in an open relationship, he tells me later. Then, he said she was interested in bringing that woman (presumably me) into a threesome in a hotel at the upcoming atheist convention (which I think was this one). What was weird wasn’t that I was asked to be in a threesome. That’s so three years ago, though, and I’m over it. What was weird was the amount of charm and lies this dude Brian piled up just to convince me to sleep with him and his girlfriend.

A month later, I realize exactly why this fucks with my head still. Brian was a sexual predator–manipulating and lying to get in the sack with a girl looking for love. There wasn’t any honesty in the dialogue. It was pure sociopathic manipulation. My real issue, though is that these people, Brian and Serah, are leaders in the atheist/freethinking community. I was even friends with Serah on Facebook and that’s where I think she got the idea to target me. Yes, target.

Later, I realized the men-run (read: all) atheist conventions have been told for years that sexual harassment has been happening and have not done a damn thing to implement a sexual harassment policy? How can you when Dick-y Dawkins is sexist and thinks women should just get “thick skin” and suck a dick it up. Oh, PLEASE don’t tell me to suck it up. I don’t care if you think you run the world, Dawkins. That’s so 1950’s you remind me of the Catholic Church with that type of rhetoric.

At some point in between all this, I join The Clergy Project, where I get interviewed for an hour, but sadly, the interview consisted of bragging about self. Cool story bro. Yawn. You’re running up my phone bill for this? I’ve got shit to do and I’m trying to join a community here, and you’re telling me how awesome you are. Weird. My response to him: “Where are all the women in the atheist community?” Stutter…”Um, oh, yeah.” I’m disappointed.

My atheist role models aren’t necessarily outright atheist, but they stand for human rights issues, secularism, and take an active role in stopping the abuse of the church. Marci A. Hamilton and Anne Rice…these women are passionate about putting their reputation on the line while fighting the Church policy of covering up hatred and abuse. They’re the ones who are admirable in my opinion. All these other boys really don’t do it for me. They’re just not my style and quite frankly, I’m over the frat party mentality (a view of nipples if you’re an atheist). I think I just puked in my mouth.

The Wedding of a Lifetime: I “Married” Jesus

Anderson Cooper’s show has a call out to people who’ve married themselves, which apparently happens these days. I’ve got a better one, Cooper. I married Jesus. Here’s how:
First, we wrote a letter to Jesus detailing our love, our pain and why we wanted Him. Then, we dimmed the lights, lit some candles and walked down the aisle of a church to sit in a pew. We prayed. We wept. We took our hand written letters and placed them in glass bottles and put a cork on top. Then, one by one, we walked down the church aisle again, holding our glass bottles. Our minister prayed over us, then put candle wax over the top of the bottle to “seal” our “covenant” with Jesus. We then went over to a pillow, got on our knees and the minister prayed with us again, asking us if we “committed” to the following “vows” to God. When we said yes, we were given a silver band to wear on our left ring finger. After that, we were “married” to Jesus for an entire year. We couldn’t date. We couldn’t have “emotional commitments”. We couldn’t ride alone in cars with boys.
We were “pure” and abstained from sex. We married Jesus.

Can Women Pursue Men?

This is one of the number one Google searches that brings people to my site. I assume if you’re looking for this answer, you’ve got a guy on your mind that you want to pursue, but a pastor or spiritual leader who says it’s a no-go. Right?

To get deeper into this subject would require my writing a novel, or a book on dating but the long and short of it is, YES, women can pursue men. And NO, that doesn’t make you a whore, a Jezebel, an outlaw, a Smurf or any other thing your pastor might suggest.

I don’t want to be demeaning or rude, but here’s the “real talk”: If you’re wondering what your pastor will say about your pursuit of a guy, you’re in a sexist church. To go even further, if your pastor is inquiring about your dating life regularly and giving you advice, or suggestions that sound more like commands, you’re going to need to look for a new pastor or spiritual leader.

Just. Walk. Away.

If you’re pastor is that involved, you’re probably already in or heading toward an abusive relationship and your pastor is going to control much of your life and life choices. And no, he’s not qualified to do so. God isn’t saying he should. Your pastor (if he says that) is full of sh*t.

What you don’t know (or maybe you do, which is why you Googled your question) is that we live in a modern society where it’s perfectly okay to ask a guy out.

How can you pursue a guy? Here’s a few easy steps:

1. Start with the basics. Smile, flirt, touch his arm. It’s okay. You’re not a whore. You’re….FLIRTING. You’re showing him you’re interested and that’s okay to do. People aren’t mind readers. How else will he know you like him if you don’t show him a little hint of your interest?

2. Make the first move. Maybe you think he’s cute so you want to friend him on Facebook. Do it! Guys like confident girls. If he accepts, flirt a little bit. Message him or comment on a picture. Do you have his number? Text him or call him.

3. Make the second move. In order to get to know someone, you have to spend time with them, whether it’s through an email or face-to-face. Get to know him by talking to him and learning what he’s interested in. Remember, your interests are just as valid, so share what you like. If you’re not interested in exactly the same things, that’s okay. People can bond over different interests if they’re attracted to each other enough. And who knows? Maybe it’s going to be a match. Maybe not.

4. Move on, if necessary. Maybe there’s no match, and no chemistry. Oh well. The first (or fifteenth) guy you date doesn’t have to be your husband. There isn’t anything wrong with you if you can’t find a baby daddy on the second date. Trust me, it’s nothing to rush into. Get to know yourself before you rush into commitment and take a breather from the courtship route. It’s not the best way to do things, regardless of what your pastor teaches.