The Difference Between British Men and American Men

As I’m sure all women (and men) will agree, the British man’s accent is something charming. Looking past the popular, sexy accent though, is an individual who’s not just charming for the sake of being charming. He may not be particularly open immediately (the British like their privacy) but he isn’t convinced that he has to lie or exaggerate to impress you. And his humor. There’s an art to his sarcasm and dryness. It’s a well crafted line that he gives you, intended to make you laugh. The EM is incredibly witty, although it took me quite some time to understand his British references.

I’ve been struck very recently by the charm of an Englishman, and if any of you have had the pleasure of meeting one, I’m sure you’ll agree with me that they’re different from our American counterparts.

What’s so different? Isn’t a man just a man?

Despite our shared language, the difference between the American and the British way of life varies greatly. For starters, our slang is completely different. When my new Englishman, whom I shall call EM (brilliant, I know), used the word cunt a few months ago, I was floored. It must mean something quite different from our use of cunt here. So, I asked him. His explanation went as follows, “The C word in Britain [is] usually associated with people that jubilate in the inane or irrelevant (usually accompanied with undue self-importance). Stems from the crude reference to the female genetalia… Perhaps the last taboo insult.”

I had now not only cleared up that misunderstanding, but had also become completely infatuated with his choice of words in his description. We just don’t use words such as jubilate or inane in conversations here. I am an English major, and something like that can turn me on instantly. As Alycia Smith-Howard says it, getting to know an Englishman is, “A seduction of the mind.”

But if you do a quick Google search on the matter, you’ll find scant information online relating to relationships between American women and British men. Or, you’ll find plenty of American women insulting British men for their “stiff upper lip” and lack of asking out a woman, or footing the bill. Whereas British men call American women brash and loud and traditional. Here, Robert McCrum talks about his American wife and the dating differences between their two cultures:

These fine sentiments are meaningless, and faintly sinister, to your average American woman. They never go into darkened rooms with almost total strangers until and unless it has been thoroughly checked out by a real estate agent, a trusted girlfriend and, probably, an expert in feng shui. The only fluttered consciousness they’ll experience is if you cannot agree to split the bill, I mean ‘check’. And the idea that love might be a childish matter is almost heresy in the American bible of the heart.

We American women apparently treat first dates as job interviews. We have a mile long laundry list of do’s and don’ts for our future partner and we treat everyone as a future spouse waiting to be crossed off the list for wronging us on our first date. He didn’t pull out his wallet and pay? Cross him off! What’s his credit score? Does he have children? Religion? Check, check, check. The endless laundry list.

It wasn’t until recently (yesterday) that I realized dating customs vary so greatly. It’s common in the U.S. for girls to date or get to know several guys at once; whereas, in other countries, that’s considered rude or heartless. I had no idea. That was something I learned to do from the men here in America and just as I was supposed to accept their behavior, I guess I picked up that habit.

And of course there’s the tradition where American women (still) think men should do all the asking, and all the calling. This proves to be true all the way up our fame ladder, as proved by Gwenyth Paltrow saying that not one British man asked her out when she was on a trip in London.

”British people don’t seem to ask each other on dates,” she fretted. ”If someone asks you, they’re going out on a limb, whereas in America it happens all the time. Someone will come up to you and ask you for dinner and you’ll say, ‘Sure.’ It’s no big deal and no weight will be attached to it. It’s only dinner, for God’s sake.”

The same article goes on to insult English men in their entirety calling them incomprehensible drunkards  who spend too much time in the pub. Another article online quotes Canadian writer, Leah McLaren who calls them “repressed homosexuals…[who are] incapable of intimacy with a woman.”

Wow. It’s no wonder many English men don’t like us. We’re demanding and we misunderstand their culture. Not to mention, if we misunderstand their culture we jump to a negative (and brash) conclusion. Are we American women or are we sharks? (See Shark Week on the Discovery Channel).

As I’m sure all women (and men) will agree, the British man’s accent is something charming. Looking past the popular, sexy accent though, is an individual who’s not just charming for the sake of being charming. He may not be particularly open immediately (the British like their privacy) but he isn’t convinced that he has to lie or exaggerate to impress you. And his humor. There’s an art to his sarcasm and dryness. It’s a well crafted line that he gives you, intended to make you laugh. The EM is incredibly witty, although it took me quite some time to understand his British references. Here’s one for example:

Apparently the UK terror threat level has been reduced from ‘severe’ to only ‘substantial’, meaning there is now just “a stong possibility of a terrorist attack which may well occur without warning”. I feel so much safer knowing that.

And another commentary on the price of a train ticket:

£39 for a train ticket. If anyone sees Thomas The Tank Engine, remember to punch the smug cunt the face for me.

Once this American girl got the meaning of cunt, I had to admit to laughing out loud to each one of his jokes. They’re smart, funny and quite brilliant. Maybe I’m just biased.

Another difference between the American and British way of life? Without being too crude, the EM is different in his approach in talking about sex. It’s not, “Hey do you give blow jobs? How soon can you be over?” but “How about a cuddle on the couch and a glass of wine?” Something American men often lack is the ability to control how excited they are about sex. Once sex is mentioned, and American men know you have a vagina and some breasts, they turn into a cave man with a club thumping you over the head and dragging you back to their bed. When you wake up, you must serve them fellatio and then find your own ride home. With an Englishman, although he may be feeling the same cave man lack of control, he subdues it (at least to you) and romances you. But the romance isn’t over the top, like  the Prime Minister of Italy Silvio Berlusconi, who publicly announced that he’d run away with another woman if he wasn’t already married to Veronica Lario.

Berlusconi’s public statement in [apology] – “Forgive me, I beg you … I guard your dignity like a treasure within my heart … Accept this public apology as an act of love. One of many. A big kiss. Silvio” – would not have cut much mustard with me. Generally speaking, the more florid the declaration of love, the worse the bounder behind it. Besides, grovelling in public is hardly a punishment at all for a man who lives to be centre stage. [Quote and commentary from Jemina Lewis]

To her credit, Veronica Lario wrote that it was “damaging to her dignity as a woman,” and divorced him in 2009.

So, even if a relationship can’t develop overseas, I have to admit that getting to know the EM is quite different from the online stereotypes I’ve found about him. And it’s certainly a refreshing change from dating the American Mike, The Situation types who think, “…It’s not a matter of if she wants to hook up with me; it’s a matter of just when I decide.”

Logging off to watch BBC and Pride and Prejudice. xo

 

Update January 2013: Since the writing of this post, I’ve come to realize British men are very much like American men; they just hide it well at first.

Cross post from my other website. 

Mercy Ministries New Public Relations Thrust

I’ve also been following Nancy Alcorn and Mercy Ministries for months, but particularly in the last few weeks because my “Dr. Watson” has been following some censorship that Mercy is deliberately doing. That, coupled with the trends I’ve noticed on my Google alerts, leads me to believe they’ve launched a new public relations thrust.

Another Sunday morning has arrived. I find myself in the habit of reading about fundamentalism on Sunday’s. Perhaps it’s because in a former life I was a fundamentalist, and now I’m obsessed with the trends, history, and rise of Christian nationalism. I’ve also been following Nancy Alcorn and Mercy Ministries for months, but particularly in the last few weeks because my “Dr. Watson” has been following some censorship that Mercy is deliberately doing. That, coupled with the trends I’ve noticed on my Google alerts, leads me to believe they’ve launched a  new public relations thrust.

Here are the new PR developments from Mercy Ministries in recent weeks/months:

I always give a cursory glance to my Google alerts on related topics, so I thought I noticed that Mercy Ministries has been posting their press releases on multiple Mercy Ministries/Nancy Alcorn websites which didn’t exist as independent websites before. As it turns out, they have already owned the following domain names since 2008 but only in 2012 have they created distinct websites out of them and added new content. It looks like up until recently, all of Nancy Alcorn blog postings were based on the nancyalcorn.blogspot.com website and these individual domain names below were redirected to nancyalcorn.blogspot.com (Nancy’s blog), which means none of these domain names would show up prominently on Google’s front page listing for Nancy Alcorn. Now her blog has been permanently moved to nancyalcorn.com. But in 2010 and 2011, all the following sites went to the blogspot account above as indicated below:

Now click on any of them below. They look like separate websites and none of them redirect to a single site.

nancyalcorn.com

nancyalcorn.net

nancyalcorn.org

nancyalcorn.me

nancyalcorn.us

That’s all I’ve found for now, but I’m not going to scour the web past the 2nd page of Google because we all know that’s where the vampires hide (page 3 and beyond). But I did want to point out to you that Nancy Alcorn has four new websites. For those of you who aren’t web savvy, it’s just a way for Nancy’s version of her history (minus the scandal) to remain at the top of Google searches for Nancy Alcorn instead of finding Mercy Survivors stories or The Truth about Mercy or the dozens of articles from Australia, the Nashville Scene and Lincoln Messenger.

And then, there’s the new url: http://mmoa.convio.net/site/PageNavigator/MercyTalk_Homepage.html. How do I know it’s new? Well, here’s a good indicator plus the science of deduction (Sorry, I’m recently obsessed with BBC’s Sherlock.):

For any survivors reading, take a closer look at the “mmoa” part. Of course, we all know what this means and if not, here’s a bit of history: it’s code for Mercy Ministries (the entity which is legally liable for the Australia scandals and the Lincoln, CA home controversy) trying to distance themselves from the controversies in 2008 and early 2012–something we won’t let them live down and will relentlessly document. Sorry, MM. You can attempt to erase history, but the internet is forever. Not to mention, screen shots are GREAT backup. Are you that uninformed and out of touch? We may not spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on marketing, but we know our shit.

Apparently, Mercy Ministries wishes to call their homes “affiliates” now, which would possibly absolve Nancy Alcorn of any ties to the scandals that will inevitably come out of the homes although it cannot erase her contributions to the past since that’s been documented with the government in Australia.

Here is a link from the ACCC (Australian Competition and Consumer Commission) indicating that Mercy Ministries was involved:

Undertakings remedy Mercy Ministries misleading conduct (Excerpt: The Australian Competition and Consumer Commission has obtained court enforceable undertakings, which includes payment, from seven former directors of Mercy Ministries Incorporated and/or Mercy Ministries Limited in relation to misrepresentations by those entities. The undertakings include an apology and a voluntary payment of $1050 to those people affected by the conduct. These are made by former directors Mark Zschech, Peter Irvine, Mark Caldwell, Stephen Crouch, Young Pil (Phil) Sohn, Darlene Zschech and Clark Pearson.)

In 2009, Mercy Ministries International, Inc. mentions the Australia homes in their IRS Form 990 here whereby they show that they assisted them with operating costs in 2008 and that Mercy Ministries, Ltd was set up as a holding company (which limits the liability of the Mercy Ministries “brand”) to support the dwindling down of the operations of the Australia home:

 

The entire Form 990 is here but a snapshot of the first page indicates that Nancy Alcorn is president.

 

So, while it may be true that Nancy did not live in Australia running this particular home, many former residents said Nancy played a large role in the Australia homes–as much as she does in the U.S. homes. What Nancy doesn’t realize is that when her leadership and teachings and books are the core of the home and the brand, she’s inherently tied to them no matter what sort of subsidiaries she sets up. She founded the homes. She visits the homes. Her books are the core…it’s a small level of legal protection which may work in her favor in the future. I’m sure she was advised to do this and continue to distance herself from the Hillsong debacle, even though we have documented evidence that Hillsong dropped Mercy/Nancy first.

Check out the new Wikipedia entry that mentions MMOA (Mercy Ministries of America), the affiliates and the brand, which is not entirely new language but language that has only been recently adopted for public use:

Mercy Ministries marketing department has been very busy from the above influx of new Nancy Alcorn websites, their newly established terminology of “affiliates” and Mercy Ministries of America and the press release op-ed written by executive director Christy Singleton that the Tennessean published. Oh and did I mention the above Wikipedia entry was edited BY someone Mercy Ministries hired called DownRightMighty? Mercy Survivors will be publishing a comprehensive breakdown soon but I’m terrible at keeping surprises quiet so I just had to share the above along with what the Wikipedia moderator said of DownRightMighty’s promotional edits (that included promoting MMOA, “affiliates”, and erased much of the mention of the scandal/controversy):

 

And the Mercy Ministries user was banned:

 

Let’s remember what the goal of public relations is: “The aim of public relations by a company often is to persuade the public, investors, partners, employees, and other stakeholders to maintain a certain point of view about it, its leadership, products, or of political decisions.” (Wiki) Mercy Ministries public relations is on overdrive right now trying to work hard on erasing the damage that was done earlier in the year. Sure, we’ve been quiet, but we haven’t forgotten.

 

UPDATE: Mercy Survivors has detailed the history of censorship from Mercy Ministries of anyone who is critical of the ministry. Read more here.

The Ever Elusive Cat and Mouse Game

Going after a cult is like playing cat and mouse. Sometimes you’re the cat and other times you’re the mouse.

There’s a game of chase going on online. Mercy Ministries appears to be in the lead, but they’re running head long into a trap. It’s a trap they’ve set up for themselves. They’ve manufactured what they think are “professional” sounding answers, but let’s be honest–they’re not professionals. They have a hell of a lot of money to hire professionals, though, and this is where they sometimes have the upper hand. But they don’t actually have the upper hand and this is why: the laws are against what they’re doing and no matter how many times they change their website to conform to their newest lies, or attempt to silence the victims who’s lives they’ve destroyed one thing remains true–many victims of abuse have emerged from Mercy Ministries to tell their truth. And truth will prevail.

Oh and I’m on the front page of Google for “Mercy Ministries” searches. Let’s watch this change as they attempt to squash my victory.

April 4, 2012 12:40 pm PST

In the past few weeks, the Lincoln Messenger has ran a series of articles on Mercy Ministry. These reports were done with great care, as you can tell from reading them. The reporter and editor went to great lengths to present both sides of the case. However, Mercy disputed the articles. Sadly, it takes a trained eye or a survivor of Mercy to recognize their “dispute” for what it is: lies.

Yes, you read that right. Mercy Ministries is lying. And they’re changing their web presence to match their lies. They’ve also modified their Wikipedia page to attempt to remove the Australia scandal, but don’t worry we’re bringing those stories back like 2010 brought back Ray Bans.

 

Can Women Pursue Men?

This is one of the number one Google searches that brings people to my site. I assume if you’re looking for this answer, you’ve got a guy on your mind that you want to pursue, but a pastor or spiritual leader who says it’s a no-go. Right?

To get deeper into this subject would require my writing a novel, or a book on dating but the long and short of it is, YES, women can pursue men. And NO, that doesn’t make you a whore, a Jezebel, an outlaw, a Smurf or any other thing your pastor might suggest.

I don’t want to be demeaning or rude, but here’s the “real talk”: If you’re wondering what your pastor will say about your pursuit of a guy, you’re in a sexist church. To go even further, if your pastor is inquiring about your dating life regularly and giving you advice, or suggestions that sound more like commands, you’re going to need to look for a new pastor or spiritual leader.

Just. Walk. Away.

If you’re pastor is that involved, you’re probably already in or heading toward an abusive relationship and your pastor is going to control much of your life and life choices. And no, he’s not qualified to do so. God isn’t saying he should. Your pastor (if he says that) is full of sh*t.

What you don’t know (or maybe you do, which is why you Googled your question) is that we live in a modern society where it’s perfectly okay to ask a guy out.

How can you pursue a guy? Here’s a few easy steps:

1. Start with the basics. Smile, flirt, touch his arm. It’s okay. You’re not a whore. You’re….FLIRTING. You’re showing him you’re interested and that’s okay to do. People aren’t mind readers. How else will he know you like him if you don’t show him a little hint of your interest?

2. Make the first move. Maybe you think he’s cute so you want to friend him on Facebook. Do it! Guys like confident girls. If he accepts, flirt a little bit. Message him or comment on a picture. Do you have his number? Text him or call him.

3. Make the second move. In order to get to know someone, you have to spend time with them, whether it’s through an email or face-to-face. Get to know him by talking to him and learning what he’s interested in. Remember, your interests are just as valid, so share what you like. If you’re not interested in exactly the same things, that’s okay. People can bond over different interests if they’re attracted to each other enough. And who knows? Maybe it’s going to be a match. Maybe not.

4. Move on, if necessary. Maybe there’s no match, and no chemistry. Oh well. The first (or fifteenth) guy you date doesn’t have to be your husband. There isn’t anything wrong with you if you can’t find a baby daddy on the second date. Trust me, it’s nothing to rush into. Get to know yourself before you rush into commitment and take a breather from the courtship route. It’s not the best way to do things, regardless of what your pastor teaches.

 


 

How has your Christian faith changed? A survey on deconversion for ex-Christians, Atheist, Agnostic, Spiritual, and Liberal Christians.

You are invited to participate in this survey on deconversion from Christianity, changes in Christian faith. The survey is particularly focused on (but not limited to) those who have previous experience with Christianity who now consider themselves non-Christian, non-religious, Spiritual, Agnostic, Atheist, or Liberal Christian.

How has your Christian faith changed? A survey on deconversion for ex-Christians, Atheist, Agnostic, Spiritual, and Liberal Christians.

 You are invited to participate in this survey on deconversion from Christianity, changes in Christian faith. The survey is particularly focused on (but not limited to) those who have previous experience with Christianity who now consider themselves non-Christian, non-religious, Spiritual, Agnostic, Atheist, or Liberal Christian. You will be asked to fill out your first and last name for validation purposes only. Your personal contact information you provide below will never be sold or marketed. By filling out this form, you are consenting to participate. You also agree to allow results to be used in and published in current and future research and writings by Lisa Kerr.
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