Losing My Job

In July I lost my job. I decided to go back to school, considering I only had one semester left and considering that I was offered unemployment. It sounded like a good plan until things went incredibly different than the plan.

First, Senioritis started kicking in pretty heavily. Not only did I not want to attend class, I decided no one was going to make me. This has since backfired on me, because college has turned into high school and two of my four professors make attendance mandatory, with penalties to your grade.

Second, I lost my unemployment benefits because I’m in school. Essentially, I told the truth about being in school (which most people don’t do, I’m assuming?) and stopped getting any money. I’m usually not one to “ask for a handout” but in this case, I needed my benefits to continue. My expertise is in administration and that requires that I be available to work Monday to Friday, 8-5. With my school schedule, there was no way I could find a job to support me through my last few months of school.

When I lost my unemployment, I started job searching. I applied for anything and everything I was qualified for, and even jobs I was overqualified for. My plan was to start working, even if that meant I had to quit school mid-semester because of my financial hardships.

I got an interview for a part time position, even though I’d applied for many full time positions. The interview went well, but as it turns out, they hired someone else.

This past week I interviewed at a bookstore. I love books and I love this store, but I’ll be making less than half of what I was making before. It’s not enough to support me.  So, I was frantically searching for a place to live here in the LA area that would be affordable. It turns out all I was able to afford was a small room for rent in a house with 3 other adults, 2 kids and 2 dogs. Plus, my 2 cats. What a nightmare. I came home from looking at that room for rent and broke down crying.

October has been the most depressing month ever.

I honestly felt so depressed about my financial situation that for the first time in years I thought I would rather be dead. Considering that I have a pretty bright future (recent publications and book-writing in progress), the depression was just even shittier.

Week after week I cried and things got worse. My landlords were showing my apartment and I was dreading moving. Then my parents called me and saved the day. It’s not that the economy has been treating them well. They’re in sales and they lost a lot of business over the past few years due to the economy. Somehow, thankfully, they’re able to help me. It’s humbling to be the one who needs help, but it’s just the way it is right now. Our economy is terrible. I can’t wait to be finished with school so I can go back to work full-time. Although I hate administrative work, it’s what pays the bills. And in this economy, I’m grateful to have my bills paid.

I Have a Job

As you may know, most people need a job to stay alive. I have a job, like everyone else does. Blogging (and writing for that matter) is sometimes the most awkward hobby to have when working at a day job or even meeting people in real life, especially mixed company. It’s not socially acceptable to be openly critical of religion or pastors so it definitely isn’t easy to navigate through the world meeting new people with this whole other side of me. Luckily, I work with some very cool people who know that I blog but never let on they read it. Add to that that I haven’t blogged much (or very transparently) since I’ve started work there about a year and a half ago and you have a somewhat peaceful time. Also, we’re so busy there that there’s no time to play online.

I’ve had jobs where I could play around online and I have to say it’s sad that I can’t. I miss Facebooking and blogging daily and when I come home from work I’m exhausted. It’s mentally draining work and I definitely use my brain. To some degree I think having a mentally challenging job is a good thing. It keeps me challenged and that keeps me motivated. I hate being bored and I think being challenged makes me feel confident and invincible.

All this to say that as I’m sure you’ve noticed, I’ve been busy and blogging less. I haven’t always been able to connect with each one of you like I once could and I think that’s going to keep changing as time goes on, especially if I continue to blog. I’ll miss the days when I could sit around and chat with everyone, getting to know your stories. I think that’s what made my blog meaningful for me–the opportunity I got to know that I’m not alone and somewhere in the world there’s someone who has the same feelings I do. That has been priceless, so for each of you who I was able to connect with, thank for reaching out to me. I can’t tell you how tough it was for me to be receptive of kind people when faced with so many trolls….it was tough, but you all made it easy. And I love you for that.

Humbled

This week I’ve been interviewing for a job that pays minimum wage. I’m so humbled I can’t even begin to tell you how much of a reality check this is.

The fact is, I need a job. I’m in school, so my schedule isn’t conducive to my normal work, and this is the only place that seems to be offering work. The economy is terrible.

This whole experience is teaching me how strong I am, though. Instead of giving up on life, or being too embarrassed to take this job, I’m sucking it up and going with it.

In a few months, life should return to normal. School will be complete and I’ll have sent my book proposal off. But until then, minimum wage it is!