Some Thoughts About Dating Women

I’m not one to beat around the bush, so here goes for my confessions of the day year: I think I’m ready to start dating women. I’ve never actually been in a relationship with one and I know I wrote a lot about questioning whether I was lesbian or bisexual or just confused (ha!), but I never did much about it. It just sat there like this great big canyon left unexplored and I was a bit terrified to go there. I still am. Most of the people I know are homophobic and would probably disapprove, or even worse, my girl friends would think I liked them. I don’t. My family definitely wouldn’t approve and they’d be all weird about it. I don’t even not want to date men. I’ll date men if I find one I like. The problem with labels is that people get all weird about them. I am still the awesome person I’ve always been and that wouldn’t change at all if I changed who I dated. But people can’t see past that and I’m sensitive. Not to mention, I’m not about to join a flag waving rainbow crew dancing down the street. I just want to see if I’d be happier and more understood.

It's my blog, I do what I want
It’s my blog, I do what I want

But let me break it down for you. Every few years one (maybe two) women come along that leave me thinking about them. A lot. These women are intellectual, sometimes feminine, artsy, beautiful and just downright sexy. Maybe a year ago there was another one added to the list (this list has four, maybe five women on it). She was in a serious relationship and she was a tomboy (not entirely, but for sake of needing something cute to call her, it’s stuck). I’ve always been the kind of person who didn’t understand the attraction to the tomboy lesbians, but color me wrong. She has a motorcycle and tattoos and drinks beer. I was in love lust. But the funny part is, even with these feelings, I wouldn’t let myself go there because of the fear of what people would think. And let’s be honest: lesbians move fast. So if there’s any interest, you’re basically married in 24 hours. That’s just not something I’m used to. And on top of all of that, there’s the risk of not knowing the person too well. So you hope they’re the kind that wouldn’t cheat on you and would treat you well, but you just never know.

The Tomboy ended up breaking it off with the serious relationship and was single for a bit. Then she started dating someone and not long after, she was engaged. The funny thing is, I’m so self-absorbed I didn’t notice she wasn’t talking to me until recently and I missed talking to her. And then I had this moment where I was like, “I wish I was engaged to her.” Which is weird…when you self-identify as straight and always have. So I gave it some thought and realized what was going on really was happening, so I should go with it. Except when someone’s engaged, you don’t really “go” with it anywhere because that would be rude. Although I actually did think twice about saying something and then my friends convinced me that I should wait it out.

The thing about dating men is that it’s so last year. Just kidding. The thing about dating men is that they seem to misinterpret lady things as negatives: if you’re emotional, you’re needy; if you’re outspoken, you’re a bitch; if you are direct, you come on too strong. I’ve had straight men tell me that dating a woman wouldn’t solve that and that women they know who date women fight nonstop, but that was literally based on one relationship. And so what if they fight? At least they can communicate with each other. I’ll tell you one thing: I have zero idea what it would be like to date a woman but I’ll let you know if it ever happens so you can try it out too.

It’s my blog. I do what I want.

My Religious Guilty Pleasures

Yesterday I magically found something called the Feminist Mormon Housewives Society which is a group of progressive Mormon housewives whose mission is to provide: “A safe place to be feminist and faithful.”

This isn’t a joke. These women are Mormon housewives who are feminist and progressive. They’re rethinking the way their Church talks about women and women’s roles in the home and the world.

I’ve only observed their discussions for a day and talked to a few of them, but they struggle with the same things that any mom’s and housewives struggle with. For example, one mom was feeling resentful over all the housework, cooking, and chauffeuring she had to do. The other wives (and a husband or two) chimed in and most of them had incredibly progressive ideas about what she could do to solve her problems. They were all thinking critically about what their Church told them, versus what worked and didn’t work.

I’m so intrigued by the community here. I’m also so intrigued because I know many Mormons and some of them hold very tightly to traditional gender roles. I even dated a Mormon who explained to me that I’d need to convert to Mormonism in order to marry him and I’d need to give up writing about sex, religion, and well, virtually everything I write about.

These fMh women are questioning gender roles and they’re encouraging their church to be more progressive. One woman posted a link to an LDS Basic Manual for Women: Developing Employment Skills.  The woman said that the church needed to step up and become more progressive–this isn’t the 50’s. I completely agree with her. It was intriguing to hear her say that.

I think what’s fascinating about the Internet is that it provides for many of us a community we may never have had living in our own cities, working at our jobs or going to school. The reason fMh Lisa started this community was because she didn’t have anyone she could talk to about certain issues. She was more liberal and progressive than many of the people she knew, so she turned to Google and typed in “liberal Mormon.” She then found a few blogs and after awhile decided to form a community specific to her own needs.

Blogging has done that for me–helped me form a community that’s specifically met my needs (and hopefully the needs of some of you). We’re a more progressive, liberal crowd here which is different from many of those who are recovering from Spiritual Abuse. Sometimes those other communities got too “Jesus-y” for me and I needed a place to be open and honest and candid without being judged or reprimanded. I’m interested in being me first and foremost and I don’t like a lot of the spiritual talk. And I hate being told what to do or what to think.

So cheers to Feminist Mormon Housewives! You’ve made my week. <3