If the cult was so bad, why didn’t you just leave?

Questions I’ve received over the years and now:

  • If it was so bad at the cult, why didn’t you just leave?

  • Why did you stay for so long under the conditions you’re describing?

  • You’re a really smart girl. How did you sucked into an abusive place so easily?

A reader answered some of these questions really well in a comment. I’m going to share her answer with you below:

As a social worker I hear [these] comments often. He asked you why you just did not leave? I want EVERYONE to know that it takes an abused person 7-8 attempts to leave before they actually leave their abuser. Some of the reasons that it is hard for people to leave is because they are threatened with death (in your case spiritually), when they leave, they leave behind friends and family, also in your case the power difference. When someone has power over another person it makes it harder to go against what they say. I know how hard it was for you to leave and I am glad that you are speaking out and trying to assist others. –Blog comment from “Leah” on 7/22/10

Not only is Leah a social worker, she’s a survivor who comes from this same ministry group and has dealt with many of the same issues I’ve dealt with. For her and I to speak up takes a lot of courage. To talk about issues we had with people of power and authority over so many people takes great courage. Thank you Leah.

The following song is a powerful statement about abuse, also. Eminem is known for alleged domestic violence and Rihanna was the recent recipient of some alleged abuse from Chris Brown.

Relationships don’t have to be romantic in order to be abusive, and abuse doesn’t have to be physical for it to hurt and cause pain and destruction.

Emotional abuse is just as destructive as physical abuse, yet it’s intangible and often hard for the victim (and law enforcement) to measure, so the victim often stays because it’s so hard to define. Add to the abuse, threats of death (physical or spiritual) and threats of taking away all of a persons reputation, friends, etc. Add to it a perpetrator who is a person of high and notable position of power, who’s reputation is well-known nationally and you have a recipe for a normally healthy person to get sucked in easily to a group like this and stay in a spiritually abusive relationship with that person for years–holding them in by the web of relationships, their current or future career goals, and spiritual death if they leave.

I mean, who’s going to believe someone like me when I’ve just scrubbed toilets for someone who was the Chaplain for the New Orleans Saints, who was invited to Governor Blanco’s (the former Louisiana Governor) mansion for private dinners and to the White House when George Bush was in office? I just folded the man’s laundry: he spoke with Billy Graham. He MUST be anointed and I must be offended and sinful and wrong.

Right?

Absolutely WRONG! More people are coming out to dialogue about the abuse they’ve received under the ministry of this man now than ever before. Abuse is abuse, plain and simple. Emotional abuse that causes mental trauma, hospitalization, medication, therapy care, etc. is also something that I don’t talk about lightly and those are not light implications to put on a person. They’re serious accusations that everyone should take seriously–if you are a good friend of this person, a ministry partner, etc. and you KNOW about this abuse happening, I’m holding you accountable for this information now. May you have a guilty conscience from here until eternity until you stop protecting the wrong people for the wrong reasons!

Listen to this song and think about the victims of abuse who’ve yet to leave and why:

Love the Way you Lie by Eminem ft. Rihanna


My Second Therapist’s Diagnosis: PTSD

After my first therapist, I got health insurance that covered another therapist. My first meeting with her, she spent an hour going over my family history, my recent history, and any mental health conditions or symptoms I had. I’d recently developed anxiety and depression after leaving the cult in 2005. I spent all of 2005 and 2006 in bed crying–and intermittently going to class. When I was in class, I felt anxiety attacks coming on. My chest would start pounding and I’d feel out of breath for no reason. If I had to turn in a paper, or felt extra pressure of perfection from certain professors, I’d be unable to write my essays and classwork. I was terrified of what people thought of me and who was judging me everywhere I went.

This second therapist sat with me and ended the session asking me if I’d ever heard of post traumatic stress disorder.

“Sure,” I told her. “That’s what all the Vietnam War Veterans got when they came back, right? They get nightmares and stuff.”

She explained that war victims did, in fact get post traumatic stress disorder, but many other people also got PTSD. Rape victims and many other people could get it. She said she believed I had PTSD based on the symptoms I described to her. A lot of what she explained made sense. I would become afraid at loud noises; would wake up terrified from nightmares of getting yelled at by old pastors; and would shy away from relationships of all types.

For more information on PTSD, Depression or Anxiety, please look at the Resources I posted. I’ve included some great links. I’d also like to encourage you, if you or someone you know has suffered from spiritual or emotional abuse, please see a non-religious, professional therapist or psychiatrist for assessment. There are a lot of resources available. If you’d like to share your own story with me, please email me at mycultlife at gmail.com